Saturday, 5 April 2008

How to be a Troll - LESSON 1


2) Tipe whith bad speling and gramar even which isnt hi skool levil good enuf. Thei are STUPID so yu shuld be aswel also to. Of corse, if yu is alredy ileteret then it wil been ezier. If yu hav ileteret frends tel them too rite to so yu fil up the bords wif yur wizdumb kwiker.

3) If you are amongst the few who have to put any effort into (2) you may even be able to read the article or the other posts. In which case, you can throw in a sentence in there to fool them into thinking you care about the topic being discussed. Remember that reading just part of an article or a post is usually enough to find something to whine about.

4) If you can't read, don't worry, reading other posts or the article is not essential. People are more than happy to spend their valuable time reading anything you want to vent about.

5) Use inflammatory language (like rude words and personal name calling). Most people like verbal abuse and it makes you appear so much more intelligent and capable of getting your point across. You will rapidly gain esteem from other posters.

6) Write about stuff that has no relevance to the article being discussed. Even if you have to start with something that might seem important, be sure to add some meaningless or irrelevant statement in there somewhere. People get distracted easily, and they will soon forget the article they are discussing and focus instead on applauding the vital point you are making.

7) If you are rEALLY aNGRY!!!!! then it's cool to type badlye asit shows you hasd to typ quickly to gety our point across assoon as possibler.

8) punctuation and appropriate use of capital letters are unnecessary and just makes you have to press more than one key at a time to use the shiftkey this is especially true if you want to type a long comment as you dont want to waste time with all those pointless language rules because the more you type then the less time you have to write long sentences that keep peoples riveted attention better sometimes though a short punchy statement can be used to warm up the reader for the intensive reading ahead

9) The exception to rule (7) is the use of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make sure!!! you liberally sprinkle them all over your post as it !!!emphasizes!!! the importance!! and !!!!!!urgency!!!!! of your point.

10) Your kyboard is your voic and must b consrvd for th important task of bing undrstood. Although if you do war out som of th kys on your kyboard dont worry th contnt of your post will still b clar for vryon to rad

11) Say the same things over and over again.

12) Say the same things over and over again.

13) Say the same things over and over again. The more you say it, the truer it becomes

14) Say the same things over and over again. It saves you having to think too much, which is important as you have a long day of trolling ahead and you need to pace yourself.

15) If people seem like they are having a joke at your expense, don't worry. They are just bitter that they can't express themselves as effectively as you can. If the joke doesn't go over your head, feel free to get upset and rant even more. They will realize the error of their ways and appreciate the value you bring to their lives.

16) It is important that you end your post with a rant. Suggestions include: disparaging other commentators, personal attacks and/or just being plain rude. This is also another great opportunity to USE CAPITAL LETTERS so you leave their ears ringing. If you are being paid to troll, it is essential to put your sponsor's slogan (or at least the one you are paid to write as) at the end of your message. For example !!!!VOTE FOR JOHN SMITH!!!!

17) Learn from others. There are a vast number of great examples of troll posts on most notice boards. If you find something you think is clever on another post, plagiarize (I know it's a big word, but it just means 'Copy whatever you want and use or modify as you wish as if you wrote it first'). No-one will notice you didn't think it up yourself, even if some of the words they used were spelled correctly.

18) If by chance you should get banned, just sign up for a new email address and create your posts as if you were a completely different person. Even if you continue to post the same stuff as before, no-one will notice as all they look at is the name you have chosen. This has the added benefit that they will be easily fooled into thinking you were right all along as this new person seems to agree remarkably well with your old posts.

19) Broaden your horizons. There are so many sites you can post on nowadays that you have a fantastic opportunity to educate thousands of people with your wisdom. You are on a crusade and it is your duty as an upstanding citizen of the internet to make sure as many of them as possible get to understand the depth and breadth of your intellect.

20) Perseverance (it means keep at it). I am sure there can't be anything more important going on in your life than spending countless hours telling other people what they should think. It is your duty to inform them that they are wrong and only you are right.

21) Most important of all, practice, practice, practice. Remember your motto is "Quantity Over Quality". It's not what you post, but how much space and bandwidth you consume. Even if you find it hard to form a coherent statement, if you post a lot, people will think you are smart.



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