(New York) Ford, General Motors and Toyota are among the auto manufacturers who recently buckled under the pressure of the green movement and have promised to replace all cars with bicycles within 5 years.
“We believe in preserving the environment for posterity and are leading the global fight against warming” said Heather Baum, spokesperson for the Association of Important Carmakers.
Speaking at a press conference held at the plush offices of Billingsgate and Smythe, a top Madison Avenue Advertising firm, Ms. Baum explained that “senior executives from each company had jointly agreed a strategy for change following increasingly bad coverage of cars in the press”.
Patrick J. Walker, head of BS presented a slick brochure to simplify and explain the details of this remarkable transformation. According to the brochure, a report commissioned to look at a range of mechanical forms of transportation identified bicycles as the form most acceptable to environmental activists.
“Following concerns over the lack of stability of a two wheeled contraption, we chose instead to focus on four wheels as a standard and have called it a 'BicycleDuo ™'”; exclaiming “think of it as getting two bicycles for the price of one!”
Rather than abandon years of passenger safety advances, a decision was taken to preserve airbags, side impact bars and steel body panels with tempered glass to protect from flying stone chippings. “We believe the added weight is worth the safety of our children” he added.
The new BicycleDuo™ will be available for sale within the next three months, and will include convenient optional extras such as a 4.6 liter 24 valve V8 gasoline engine for those who find pedaling a 1.5 ton machine inconvenient after a hard days work.
My 3 year old daughter, seeing the photo on the brochure cover proudly exclaimed “Car, Mommy, Car!” How cute! She clearly has a lot to learn.
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